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 'Never apologise for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologise for the truth.'

    Now available...

                  Edited by Doug Doran and John Holton

What happens when you ask twenty of your mates to tell you a story about their dad? That's just what former St Luke's project officer, Doug Doran, wondered.

After a spontaneous conversation with his two children out on the back pergola one summer evening, sharing anecdotes about their Pa, Stan, Doug thought of similar conversations he'd had with many of his mates about their dads.

‘Stan was a great bloke who loved a laugh,' Doug says. ‘He was a fine musician and did so many things in his life that live on as great stories. It occurred to me that I'd had similar conversations with a lot of my mates about their dads; the up sides, the down sides and everything in between.'

Doug shared his vision for a published collection of stories about dads with Innovative Resources' in-house writer, John Holton , who found the idea irresistible. Eighteen months later, Dad Stories is the result.

‘It was one thing to have a good idea, but I had no concept of how to put the whole thing together,' Doug says. ‘After months of prodding, badgering and (in some cases) good old fashioned harassment, I received twenty-one stories. With John's writing and editing skills we moulded them into the fantastic array that is Dad Stories .'

The process of creating Dad Stories turned into a real community project. All the stories are closely connected to Central Victoria (Australia) with all of the fathers or sons having lived or worked there at some stage of their life. Bendigo and Castlemaine provide the backdrop for many of the stories, but there are stories that begin in such far-flung locations as Latvia and the streets of Glasgow.

According to Doug, many local people came on board and lent their skills to the project. ‘Local artist, Darren Crothers, provided the stunning portrait for the book cover, while renowned Bendigo photographer, Bill Hawking, donated his skills to photograph the authors. Local author and visual artist, Geoff Hocking wrote a wonderful foreword for the book. I've been humbled by people's willingness to support the project.'

Dad Stories covers vast emotional territory. While these stories remember many of the good times, they never shy away from the sad or the tragic. Ultimately, they reveal that our fathers are much like us; sharing the same passions, hopes, fears, strengths, joys and disappointments—qualities that can pass from father to son across generations.

Doug hopes that reading Dad Stories will prompt others to reflect on the lives of their fathers.

‘For a lot of the men who contributed to the book, especially those who are fathers themselves, the process was a cathartic, sometimes painful one. To reflect on the influence our fathers had, or have, on our lives, and how that relates to our own “successes” and “failures” as parents—well, that can be confronting. I hope the book provides the impetus for lots of reflection and discussion amongst men in the community.'

Dad Stories is a totally self-funded, non-profit venture. All proceeds will be distributed throughout the Central Victorian community to support men's health.

View Dad Stories on our website

 

Signposting youth pathways  

Braydon is a 15-year-old boy I was working with last year in Youth Pathways Hobart. He was having a hard time at school, always getting into trouble and finding it hard to fit in. He wore glasses that had been broken in several places and were taped up. Braydon was good of heart and lived with his father in a low socio-economic area.

We worked one particular day with Innovative Resources' Signposts cards. Braydon chose the card that had a picture of a ferris wheel and the words 'letting go'. I asked him what he needed to let go of and he said, 'Lots of things.' I asked what sort of things and he replied, 'Stuff with Dad.

The conversation continued and Braydon told me that his father was an alcoholic and quite often he would come home and bash him for trivial reasons. He told me how he would often wander the streets at night until his dad was asleep and he felt safe to return home.

It was a huge step for Braydon to disclose this. It explained a lot of his tiredness and anti-social behaviour. The school had been unaware of his situation. Braydon was able to be helped much more effectively from this moment on.

Elly is a 15-year-old who was referred to me because she rarely spoke, apart from the odd yes, no or maybe. Working with her was difficult because she found it extremely hard to express herself. In a group situation she participated in everything and showed joy in what others were doing, but still never spoke.

I introduced Elly to the Signposts cards. She sorted through the deck and made two piles, choosing carefully and examining each card with great care. Then she created a third pile which she was happy with. I then tried to encourage her to speak about why she had chosen the cards, but she seemed to choke on the thought. I then grouped the cards that were similar, pointing out their meaning and how they complimented each other in certain scenarios. Elly nodded to let me know that I was on track and telling her story.

On following meetings with Elly we worked with other card sets. Over time it helped her to gain confidence in me and she began to speak a little more each time.

Janine Mitchell is a Youth Pathways advisor working in Hobart, Tasmania

View Signposts on our website

New on Our Shelf List...

Strengths in the kitchen

At home in our kitchen we have a set of the Strength Cards for Kids blue tacked onto the wall. The kids love them, and so do the big people!

Claudia, my daughter, designed signs with our names on them (Mum, Dad, Claudia and Jameson) to use in celebrating our strengths. When someone has done a great job using a certain skill, their name tag is stuck on that strength card for everyone to see.  And being in our kitchen, everyone who comes and goes gets to see too! 

Our new twist (thanks to Dad) is using the cards to remind us of a strength that we need to work on. My name tag has since been stuck on the card - 'I am a calm person'. Everyone seems to agree that Mum needs to work on this one (nice direct feedback from the family!). 

I also use stickers in the kids' lunch boxes when they've done a great job, and they get a real buzz out of that. Claudia's so enthusiastic about it all that she is about to design a chart to use in recording family strengths. I'll keep you posted on that one.

Anyway, I thought I'd take this opportunity to share our family story with you all as we are right in the middle of experiencing the magic of one of Innovative Resources card sets.   

Wouldn't it be great if more families found a stick of blue tack and put some cards up in their kitchen!

Linda Crawford is the training coordinator for St Luke's Innovative Resources.

View Strength Cards for Kids